The Gift of “The Parable of the Rose”

“A certain man planted a rose and watered it faithfully, and before it blossomed he examined it. He saw the bud that would soon blossom – and also the thorns. And he thought, “How can any beautiful flower come from a plant burdened with so many sharp thorns?” Saddened by this thought, he neglected to water the rose, and before it was able to bloom, it died…

“So it is with many people. Within every soul there is a rose – the God like qualities planted in us at birth – growing amid the thorns of our faults. Many of us look at ourselves and see only the thorns, the defects. We despair, thinking that nothing good can possibly come from us. We neglect to water the good within us, and eventually it dies. We never realize our potential.

“Some people do not see the rose within themselves; someone else must show it to them. One of the Savior’s greatest characteristics was that He was able to show people the kingdom of heaven within them. He was able to reach past their thorns and show them the rose.

“This is the characteristic of love – to look at a person, and, knowing his faults, recognize the nobility in his soul, and help him realize that he can overcome his faults. If we show him the rose, he will conquer the thorns, then will he blossom, bringing forth thirty, sixty, or a hundred-fold as it is given to him.

“Our duty in this world is to help our brothers and sisters by showing them their roses and not their thorns. Only then can we achieve the love the Savior wants us to feel for each other; only then can we become perfect as He wants us to be and blossom in the garden of His Father.” (Author Unknown)

I have read this parable more times than I can remember, especially while in my youth and while I was in my early twenties in college.

This story has always been one of my favorites and I wish I could remember where I received it. Quite frankly I have no recollection how it got into my hands. My mother might have given it to me during my teenage years, but that is only a guess.

Regardless of where it comes from, though, it has left a powerful impact on my life.   Whenever I start feeling discouraged about who I am … or in some cases who I am not … because all I can see are my sharp and ragged thorns, I stop and remember the lesson from this story – that with God’s help I can conquer and overcome my weaknesses and then blossom and reach my own, unique and full potential.

What a beautiful gift this is from God, to be able to see ourselves the way He sees us. It is a gift we all can have, one we all deserve.  It will just take time and patience to fully unwrap.  And of course once unwrapped, we will need to learn to keep it that way.

As a mother, I want to give this gift to my children.  I want to teach my kids at an early and tender age how to see all the good they possess within them.  They are full of divine nature, full of potential, they only need to believe in themselves so they can discover what their life is truly all about it.

This means I need to be careful with the words I speak to them.  This means I need to be careful with the messages I send them.  This means I need to teach them how to choose wisely.  This means I need to provide a constant example.  This means I need to be proactive in helping them achieve all they are meant to achieve.

What a daunting task God has asked of all us mothers, but with His help, we can do it.  He has entrusted these little ones in our care and consequently He will give us all the positive and loving tools we need to raise them.

Will it still be difficult?  Yes.

Will we make mistakes?  Yes.

Will we at times feel like we are scarring our kids for life?  Yes.

Will we need to seek forgiveness along the journey?  Yes.

Will He need to show us along the way our own roses amidst the thorns?  Yes.

But this path will be so worth it. And the benefits it will bring, both personally and for others, will be far reaching and glorious.

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For more posts about children and self esteem, please visit the Self Esteem Carnival hosted by Lords of the Manor.

Thanksgiving and Gratitude

“The unthankful heart… discovers no mercies; but let the thankful heart sweep through the day and, as the magnet finds the iron, so it will find, in every hour, some heavenly blessings!”  ~Henry Ward Beecher

“Not what we say about our blessings, but how we use them, is the true measure of our thanksgiving.”  ~W.T. Purkiser

“We can lift ourselves, and others as well, when we refuse to remain in the realm of negative thought and cultivate within our hearts an attitude of gratitude. If ingratitude be numbered among the serious sins, then gratitude takes its place among the noblest of virtues.” ~Thomas S. Monson

“Gratitude is a mark of a noble soul and a refined character. We like to be around those who are grateful. They tend to brighten all around them. They make others feel better about themselves. They tend to be more humble, more joyful, more likable….

“If we only look around us, there are a thousand reasons for us not to be happy, and it is simplicity itself to blame our unhappiness on the things we lack in life. It doesn’t take any talent at all to find them. The problem is, the more we focus on the things we don’t have, the more unhappy and more resentful we become” ~Joseph B. Wirthlin

This year has definitely been filled with many highs and lows, but I am abundantly grateful to my Heavenly Father for the life He has given me.

I am grateful for the loving family that surrounds me and for the joys they bring me on a daily basis.

I am grateful that I haven’t been spending as much time on the computer so I can spend more time living my life and cultivating the relationships in it.

I am grateful for my children, for the unconditional love they continually show me, for the forgiveness they continually grant me and for the humility they teach me to have.

I am grateful for my husband and for the never ending support and love he gives me.

I am grateful for the home I live in, and the warmth and shelter it provides.

I am grateful for my freedoms … all of the freedoms I enjoy.

I am grateful for the knowledge I have of the gospel and for the scriptures and words of the living prophets which I can regularly study.

I am grateful for prayer and for the knowledge that the Holy Spirit can tell me all things I need to do.

I am grateful for angels, both mortal and immortal, that are continually keeping a watch over me and my loved ones.

I am grateful for friends. I am grateful for service.  I am grateful for my body and good health and exercise.

I am grateful for the trials and adversity the Lord has blessed me with.  If He believes in me, then I, too, can believe in myself.

And I am infinitely grateful for the Atonement and for all the many sacrifices the Lord has made on my behalf.

I hope everyone has a blessed holiday.
Happy Thanksgiving!

How Well Can You Fly It?

“I have been flying many kinds of aircraft for the last 30 years, both in the United States and in Latin American countries. Not too long ago when I had returned to the [United] States after an absence of some years, a very dear friend offered me the use of his new [airplane]. …

“We discussed my qualifications of being covered under his insurance policy, and it turned out that I needed a check ride with a qualified inspector, as it had been some time since I had flown that particular type of plane.

“The arrangements were made, and I met the inspector at the side of the airplane at the appointed hour with my licenses from the USA, Argentina, Paraguay, and Ecuador, and logbooks showing flights in Cessna 310s across jungles, mountains, deserts, international boundaries, etc. He smiled calmly but was unimpressed and said, ‘I’ve heard about you, and I have no doubt about how much flying you have done, but I have to assume that those flights were when nothing went wrong. Now let’s fire up this bird and see how well you fly it when everything goes wrong!’

“For the next hour he made everything go wrong! He simulated every emergency he could think of. He turned things off that should have been on. He turned things on that should have been off. He tried to create disorientation or panic. He really wanted to know how well I could fly when everything did go wrong! In the end he climbed out, signed my logbook, and announced, ‘You’re okay. …’

“One of the purposes of this life is to be tested, tried, and proven to see how well we will serve the Lord. The Prophet Joseph [Smith] said that we would be tested to see if we would serve and remain faithful through all hazards. We knew before we came that there would be many adverse circumstances to test us: accidents, sickness, and disease to prove us; temptations and distractions to try us; disappointments, discouragements, reverses, failures, and all kinds of situations to determine our character. …

“The question still is: How well can you fly it when everything goes wrong? How well can you live when every test, every trial, every proof of your faithfulness is exacted of you?”   ~ Robert E. Wells

Right now I feel like I am in the middle of many of those “all kinds of situations.”

Disappointments?  Yes.

Discouragements?  Yes.

Reverses?  Yes.

Distractions?  Yes, yes, yes.

Like many of you, my husband and I are currently trying to juggle way too many spinning plates: trying to finish a second Master’s degree before Rudy’s funding is up on February 28th; trying to find a way for Rudy to still maybe get the PhD he has been working on for the last five years; managing and loving three young children in a very small apartment; serving in Church callings; trying to find a job; wondering if we should take a job that has been offered – the job itself is a dream job for Rudy, but the pay is horrendous.

My head hurts trying to even process all of this to explain it in a simple post.

But then on the other hand, if I pause for a brief moment, and just sit still … very, very still … I realize that my life is overflowing with blessings from the Lord. On a daily basis, on an hourly basis, He is granting me tender mercies.  He is strengthening me.  I can feel it amidst all the chaos.

But I need to hold onto these thoughts for it is these thoughts and flashes of insight that will sustain me through this crazy character building ride.

So how well am I flying right now through all these hazards?

I think I need to make some attitude adjustments.

A Palace, Not A Cottage

I know I posted this quote by C.S. Lewis once before, but I am finding I really need to remind myself of it yet again.

“Imagine yourself a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps you understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing, so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of; throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were going to be made into a decent little cottage, but He is building a palace.” — C. S. Lewis

Let’s just say mothering three year olds can be quite the challenge … at least for me right now.  I love my little Cory fiercely, but some days I wish he would hibernate for the winter, or at least that his grumpiness and defiance would hibernate.

If the entire winter is too much to ask for, I will also take a daily hibernation of a few hours each afternoon.  I really need to somehow reinstitute quiet time again.

Becoming More Childlike

During the most recent General Conference meeting which our Church held, my seven year old daughter, Keri, diligently took notes.  Did we ask her to do so?  No.  She made this decision all on her own.

Not only did she take notes on what the leaders had to say, but she also wrote down some of her own personal thoughts which she later shared with Rudy and me.

Choose the right.

Read the scriptures.

Follow the prophet every day.

Be nice to everybody.

Love other people.

If you want to do something fun but you have to do something else that is not fun, go and do it.

Be happy.

When somebody does something nice to you say thank you.

Be thankful.

Forgive other people.

Trust Jesus.

Don’t tell lies.

If somebody does something nice to you do something nice to them.

Teach the gospel to other people.

If you’re tempted to do something wrong don’t do it.

If you do something bad to someone say sorry.

If someone gets hurt go and help them even if you don’t know them.

If you want something and your mom says no don’t get mad.

If you need to be quiet but you want to be loud be quiet.

Don’t yell at other people.

Be a good example.

Keep a promise.

Be cheerful.

If you are at a place that you really like and somebody says that you need to go home don’t get mad.

Listen to Jesus.

Sometime go to the Temple.

Jesus loves us and Heavenly Father does too.

Have faith.

When you get a present say thank you.

There is so much I can learn from this sweet and precious child of mine.  She has such a deep and abiding testimony which inspires me to want to be a better mother to her and her siblings.

A few of the thoughts she shared also shed some light on things I need to change about my parenting behavior.  For example, I need to learn to not to shush my kids so often and I need to learn to find more ways to say “yes” to them.

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And on a completely separate note, many people are asking me how Cory’s haircut went.  It was a raging success!  Cory even allowed them to use clippers in the beginning.  That in and of itself amazed me.

For the most part Cory sat still, ate his Skittles and watched the show they put on for him.  Of course he got a little fidgety towards the end, but then the hair stylist gave him the blow dryer to play with while she finished up and that kept him distracted.

**Cory sporting his new short look … extra short so we don’t have to get it cut for awhile.**

Since he did so well on his haircutting adventure, afterwards we went to the toy store so he could pick out a new $0.99 Matchbox police car.  Of course that is what he is clutching in his hand in the picture.

Crossroads

Once again we have happened upon another major crossroads decision in my husband’s graduate schooling.

A few weeks after Eli was born, my husband timidly informed me that his current adviser in his PhD program is leaving the university. In fact he is leaving academia all together because he has decided he wants to have more time to spend with his family. He has already accepted another job offer out of state and will be gone sometime in October.

When I heard the news, my heart kind of stopped. My immediate thoughts and emotions were all over the board.

On one hand I was actually thrilled for this professor and I even exclaimed to my husband, “Good for him for knowing how to keep his priorities straight.” After all, family should come first.

But then again, what kind of implications was this going to have on my family? Were we going to be able to finish the program? I knew we had acquired funding through March 1st of next year, but what would happen after that? And who could take over the leaving adviser’s responsibilities? They needed to have somewhat of an understanding of the project Rudy is working on.

Pretty soon it became clear to us that this dream of a doctorate degree was going to remain elusive. That little slip of paper indicating that we were done was not going to become a reality.

At first I was bitter because by nature I am not a quitter. We have been working towards this PhD degree for 5 years now. That is half of our married life. We have invested so much time, money and other things into this educational pursuit that I wasn’t about to let this get in our way. I figured we would find a way to fund ourselves even though it would be insanely expensive. I knew our extended family would help if necessary.

But all these thoughts and plans felt forced. We might be able to make it work this way, but it didn’t seem right.

I then began to question our decision to begin this graduate program in the first place. Were we ever supposed to obtain a doctorate degree? Did we make a wrong decision when we started down this path?

I then thought back to other major schooling crossroads we have encountered while in this program. Do we keep making the same mistake over and over again? There have been several times before where it seemed like we would have to leave the program, but somehow a window always opened when a door had been shut on us. But now I was thinking, have we been opening up all the wrong windows? Why then haven’t we been stopped way before we were this far into the program?

I felt crushed.

Hopeless.

This kind of pressure when you are a few weeks post partum is not a good mixture. Many tears were shed and many thoughts, shouts and pleas were sent heavenward.

Soon, though, a gradual acceptance began to flow through me. If we were merely going to end up with a second Master’s degree so be it. I began to let the pride go, pride I didn’t even realize I was holding onto. After all, I don’t know what is best for my life and the life of my family. I have to trust in the Lord to show me the way and then I need to trust Him that He is leading us along the right path, even if the outcome is way different than I ever imagined it being.

He knows what is best. He knows what experiences we need to succeed in life, and if He doesn’t think we need that silly diploma, then so be it.

We are still fairly uncertain what the future holds for us. Right now I feel like we have taken all the pieces of our life and have thrown them way up in the air. They are still up there hovering and being blown all around, but I am trying to be patient as we wait for them to settle down.

Will we have health insurance when our funding is up? Will we be able to find a job? Will we be able to find a work study program that will help Rudy finish his degree? Where will we move – across the state? To New Mexico? To Colorado? To Northern California? Will we be moving in a few months or next June when Keri is done with second grade?

Still, so many unknowns, but I am clinging to my faith in the Lord. He will provide.

And on one hand, I am getting excited about the prospect of moving. Of starting the next chapter in our life. Hopefully a chapter that will be a little longer, that will be a little more settling. And I am dreaming of being in our own home. Of having a fenced back yard, a yard with a playset in it, where the kids can freely run around and scream until their energetic hearts are content.

This dreaming is good for me, it’s therapeutic. More importantly, though, it feels right.

The Lord will keep His promises to me and my husband, I just need to believe and to accept the “packets of spiritual sunlight” He has sent to brighten my way.

“I testify that when the Lord closes one important door in your life, He shows His continuing love and compassion by opening many other compensating doors through your exercise of faith. He will place in your path packets of spiritual sunlight to brighten your way. They often come after the trial has been the greatest, as evidence of the compassion and love of an all-knowing Father. They point the way to greater happiness, more understanding, and strengthen your determination to accept and be obedient to His will.

“There is no guarantee of overnight results, but there is absolute assurance that, in the Lord’s time, solutions will come, peace will prevail, and emptiness will be filled.

“Please learn that as you wrestle with a challenge and feel sadness because of it, you can simultaneously have peace and rejoicing. Yes, pain, disappointment, frustration, and anguish can be temporary scenes played out on the stage of life. Behind them there can be a background of peace and the positive assurance that a loving Father will keep His promises.” ~ Richard G. Scott

Little Eli and Me

This is one of my new favorite photos.

There’s a lot one can glean from this picture of a sweet and innocent newborn as they grasp the hand of their mother.

This is how I feel when it comes to my relationship with the Savior. I often find myself clinging on as I experience this journey called “life.” I’m eternally grateful He is always there for me … sometimes I just need to remember to fully and completely turn to Him.

The Duck Pond: A Lesson About Living In the Moment

Not too long ago, on one of the rare, relatively warm spring days we have actually had, our family of four took a leisurely Sunday stroll through our neighborhood. We started off walking the city blocks, stopping to smell the orange poppies that are blooming in random places, and soon we ended up on the nature trails at our local park.

While watching the water flow through the brook and while watching the kids be entertained by “fishing” with their sticks in the slow moving stream, I asked Cory and Keri if they wanted to walk even further so we could go visit the duck pond. I was greeted with an enthusiastic, “Yes!”

We slowly moseyed down to where the duck pond is located. Slowly because Cory’s three year old little legs aren’t incredibly long and slowly because an eight month pregnant lady can only move so quickly.

While walking, Cory had one thing and one thing only on his mind, arriving at the duck pond.

After a few detours – fences and gates were locked on a field we tried cutting through – we finally reached our end destination. Cory looked at the ducks for about two nanoseconds and then he was ready to move on. Rather than forcing the kids to enjoy the ducks and the pond that took us awhile to get to, we decided to appease the little masses and continue on our way.

However, about five or ten minutes after we left the duck pond, Cory suddenly started lamenting the fact that we didn’t do anything at the duck pond, but merely glance at it. He wanted to go back, “More ducks. Ducks. Ducks please.”

Since it was already getting late and we really needed to get back home, we distracted him with other things along the walk back to our place – shoulder rides, big rocks, chasing black birds, etc. He soon forgot about the ducks and the duck pond, but I couldn’t help but ponder for awhile the lesson he had just inadvertently taught me. A lesson it seems I am always learning, time and time again.

How often do we travel the journeys we take in life – trying to get a spouse through grad school, raising young children who always ask why and who never seem to use up their endless energy, hoping that sooner rather than later we will be in a house – with only one focus seared on our brain, the end goal?

And once we reach that goal, we are too often in a hurry to begin the next chapter in our life. It is always something else we have our eye on, something else in the distance we must now achieve, something in the future that is now what we desperately want. We get too eager and overzealous to keep moving forward, which in and of itself isn’t a bad thing. After all, we should always be progressing and learning in life, but we have got to make sure we do it in an orderly and timely manner, in the season it is meant to be done.

Often times we get so caught up in reaching the finish line that we forget to savor the true prize, the process of the journey itself. And then we also forget to soak up the moment of how it feels to finally arrive at our much anticipated destination.

So once again I am resolving now to change my focus and attitude about life. Instead of just moving from place to place and chapter to chapter in my life, I am going to learn how to enjoy and savor the process of going … I want to learn to truly live each moment and phase that have been gifted to me.

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This post has been entered in Relishing Motherhood’s contest.

A Bit Melancholy

Last week when I finished my marathon read of “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows” I was on top of the world … at least for a few moments. Even though it was late at night, my body seemed full of adrenaline. Since my husband had not yet finished the book I rushed to the computer to see what others thought of this latest novel by J.K. Rowling.

However, within seconds my blissful elation abruptly came to an end as I read a post on my friend’s blog – her close friends has just lost their 3 month old baby to SIDS.

A few minutes later, I was reading yet another tragic post. A family had just lost their beautiful little girl, Hannah, who drowned while they were supposed to be enjoying a much anticipated family vacation.

And then there was

Learning To Live In The Moment

We are still on vacation right now and we are enjoying hanging out with Rudy’s family. Keri is especially loving having her cousin as a constant playmate and Cory relishes the freedom he gets from being able to explore the spacious house we are staying in. Now if only we could all get enough sleep, then life would be grand.

Hopefully I will be able to post some pictures later this week. I haven’t been the one taking them since I have been on kid duty, but my sister-in-law is a pro at capturing sweet moments so when I get some photos emailed from her I will put them up. I am really behind on blog reading … I apologize now if I haven’t been commenting as much as I usually do. Give me another week or two and then things will start to return to “normal.”

In the mean time, I am learning to live in the moment and to enjoy every minute I have with my family …

“All my babies are gone now. I say this not in sorrow but in disbelief. I take great satisfaction in what I have today: three almost-adults, two taller than I am, one closing in fast. Three people who read the same books I do and have learned not to be afraid of disagreeing with me in their opinion of them, who sometimes tell vulgar jokes that make me laugh until I choke and cry, who need razor blades and shower gel and privacy, who want to keep their doors closed more than I like. Who, miraculously, go to the bathroom, zip up their jackets and move food from plate to mouth all by themselves. Like the trick soap I bought for the bathroom with a rubber ducky at its center, the baby is buried deep within each, barely discernible except through the unreliable haze of the past.

“Everything in all the books I once poured over is finished for me now. Penelope Leach., T. Berry Brazelton, Dr. Spock. The ones on sibling rivalry and sleeping through the night and early-childhood education, have all grown obsolete. Along with Goodnight Moon and Where the Wild Things Are, they are battered, spotted, well used. But I suspect that if you flipped the pages dust would rise like memories.

“What those books taught me, finally, and what the women on the playground taught me, and the well-meaning relations –what they taught me, was that they couldn’t really teach me very much at all. Raising children is presented at first as a true-false test, then becomes multiple choice, until finally, far along, you realize that it is an endless essay. No one knows anything. One child responds well to positive reinforcement, another can be managed only with a stern voice and a timeout. One child is toilet trained at 3, his sibling at 2.

“When my first child was born, parents were told to

A Mother’s Work

“I have come to realize that a mother’s work is the Lord’s work. As a mother, I am not just a co-creator with Him as I help these children grow within my body; I am a co-creator with Him as I help these children learn to walk their own path and become the people He wants them to be. … Motherhood isn’t easy, but it is worth it. Many times I have looked around and said to myself, ‘For this I went to college?’ and then I think of the promise made to mothers by Jeffrey R. Holland: ‘Yours is the work of salvation, and therefore you will be magnified, compensated, made more than you are and better than you have ever been.’” ~ Shauna Bird Dunn

Motherhood is worth it. It truly is the most noble calling a woman could hold, but that certainly doesn’t mean it isn’t fraught with challenges. Motherhood is hard work, it is extremely hard work, often times it is grueling work. It takes countless hours of sacrificing and selfless service, but at least along the way mothers are also blessed and refueled with tiny snippets of pure joy as they see their precious little ones grow, learn and love in return.

I hope everyone who is a mother, and everyone who longs to be a mother, has a very happy and wonderful Mother’s Day.

Happy Mother’s Day!

A Sigh of Relief

The month of April has been insanely busy for me, but last night I finally finished my last big obligation. Thank goodness! I now have nothing too stressful occupying the back and front burners of my brain, and right now I am enjoying the sweet sensation … even if it only lasts for a few mere hours.

After I got home last night from the church event for women I was in charge of (it was our annual Visiting Teaching Workshop if you happen to be LDS), my mind was flooded with a variety of thoughts and emotions. Here are a few random feelings and things that were flitting through my head:

1. EUPHORIA!

2. Relief. I felt like a huge lead weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I can handle being in charge of events, but I really don’t revel in them. I would much rather just attend something then plan it.

3. Chatty. I couldn’t stop