#momfailure

** Being asked by a Kids Club worker at the gym, “So when is Ari going to learn to talk?”

** Being completely misunderstood by your child’s teacher.  They now probably think you are one of those helicopter parents who intervenes on everything when in reality you were simply trying to be an advocate for your child.

** Your nearly two year old, who is typically an easy-going and happy-go-lucky child gets written up for two “incidents” in the same day at the Kids Club for supposedly pushing another child.

** Getting reprimanded by the school secretary for “coaching” your child when you didn’t even know there was an assessment going on.

** Feeling judged because your child appears to be a bit intimidated by an assessment and therefore forgets a lot of things you know he knows.  {And now you start to second guess yourself – is he really ready to start school in the Fall?}

** Learning your child likes to slip out of class when the teacher isn’t looking.

** The neighbor child feeling like they need to parent your kid and then going on and on and on about his supposed horrendous behavior while also slipping subtle punishments/threats into the conversation.

** Your child trying to suppress tears when you greet them after school because it had been one of those afternoons where nothing seemed to go their way.  They literally kept getting knocked down.

Sigh.

What a rough couple of days it has been.  … Some days it’s just a little harder to find the sugar needed to make lemonade.

It is at times like this when you seriously wonder how your kids are ever going to make it with you as their parent.  You think the only thing rubbing off on them are the behaviors and attitudes you are trying not to pass on.

Purposeful and deliberate parenting?  You try, but in reality those ideals all fly out the window when you wake up tired or when you feel like you are emotionally going to snap since you feel torn in one too many directions – too many hands, mouths and hearts all vying for your attention and support at the same time.

You think you know what you should be doing and accomplishing, yet every day feels like you are just trying to survive.  So you end up feeling overwhelmed, dejected, unmotivated and selfish.

But I am grateful I have a husband who lets me cry on his shoulder.

I am grateful for the warm embraces he offers when he sees me feeling defeated.

I am grateful for the support and love he willingly gives and how he gently reminds me that I don’t have to do this parenting gig on my own.

And then the night wears on and the two of you work in tandem as the swing shift kicks into full gear.  Soon snuggles are given, laughter is heard and “I love you’s” are shared.

You continue to move forward and march on as you attempt to focus on the light, and not dwell in the dark.

You feel encouraged by a sweet comment from a friend who probably has no idea how she has lifted your spirits, but at least you don’t feel forgotten.

You read some uplifting words and carry on.

And hope for a better day tomorrow.

Sleep – it always does wonders for the mind, body and soul. … And waking up to brilliant sunshine reminds you there are always tender mercies provided by Him.

{image courtesy of jimmyandheather.com}

{other images courtesy of google images}

My 2013 Word of the Year

My brain is trying to wrap itself around the fact that 2013 is truly here.  2013 is present day life right now, not something still in the future.

At the beginning of December I started thinking about what I wanted my new word of the year to be.  I pondered it for awhile and thought I had chosen it.  There were a couple in the running.  But then about a week ago a different word worked its way into my mind and it has not budged.

It is a powerful word.  A strong word.  A word that has a lot of potential if I fully embrace it in the manner I envision it.

My word for 2013?

This definition captures the essence of what it means to me rather well.

In particular, the words “process” and “potentiality” jump out at me.

This year I want to focus more on the process and progress I am making in my life, and not so much on a-once-attained-and-then-you’re-done kind of goal.  For me “becoming” focuses on the journey – the potholes, the speed bumps, the coastings, the uphills, the downhills, the joy rides – and not the final destination.

Becoming is a present tense word, not past tense or future tense.  It is optimistic.  It is hopeful.  It is forgiving and tolerant.  It is merciful. It is flexible.  It is open minded, resourceful, respectful and accepting.

By choosing the word becoming, I feel like it means I am embracing all of me more fully – my faults, flaws, mistakes, blunders, successes, idiosyncrasies, advancements and everything in between.  Choosing the word becoming means accepting myself while on this journey of life, and not just the end-of-journey me.  It means embracing the me who dusts herself off and journeys on with courage and determination, even if it is a bit timidly at times, as opposed to wallowing in the dust while on the ground and staying put because I got dirty or marred.

It means filling my bucket with Drops of Awesome.   It means remembering “you made the right choice once. And in that moment you were the person you want to be and that is a triumph. … Drop of Awesome!”

I want to focus more on these moments so I can become the person I want to become, the person I know I can be, as opposed to allowing the negative self talk battling it out in my brain to bring me down into despair and discouragement. “[God] wants us to feel joy. Not later, when we no longer make mistakes, but right now.” 

This year I want to work on more truly accepting myself as who I am and where I am in my life journey.  I need to remember that this life is a process and I won’t be complete until its done … and more importantly I won’t be complete until after the Atonement of Christ has made it so.  I need to recognize that I am a work-in-progress and then become joyful of this state of being I am in, of where I am right now in present day life.

This means:

• Becoming more joyful.
• Becoming a more compassionate listener.
• Becoming calmer and less of a reactive and yelly mom.
• Becoming more purposeful in my relationships with my children.
• Becoming less of a night owl.
• Becoming more comfortable in my own skin  - physically, emotionally, and intellectually.  In other words embracing me for who I am and then becoming OK with the fact that that me might be different than most people.
• Becoming more healthy and fit, and not as reliant on and addicted to sugar.
• Becoming more willing to share and give of myself.
• Becoming more aware of those around me.
• Becoming more gentle.
• Becoming more gracious.
• Becoming more charitable – more patient, more long suffering and less easily offended.
• Becoming one with my Savior.

These might sound like a lot of lofty goals, but they aren’t as long as I remain steadily pointed in the right direction and then accept the stumbles I know I will have along the way.  For me it is learning how to live in the moment, learning how to relish the small victories and not letting the bumps keep me down.

In reality it is the process of moving in the right direction, one baby step at a time.  One Drop of Awesome at a time until I need a new bucket to hold all the drops I have collected.

Indeed it is becoming.

I hope everyone is having a healthy, happy and purposeful start to their new year.

“Rejoice Greatly”

Ever since I was a little girl I have associated hearing Handel’s Messiah with the holiday season. My mom used to play her Messiah cassette tape (do you remember those ancient things?) quite often.  Because of her I have several of the songs memorized and many of them are dear to my heart.

Recently I was able to attend an event where several of the songs performed were from Handel’s Messiah oratorio.  It’s fitting that the one that has been stuck in my head as we lead up to the Thanksgiving holiday is “Rejoice Greatly, O Daughter of Zion.”  It is based on the scripture found in Zechariah 9:9.

Truly I have much to “rejoice greatly” about.

My heart is full of gratitude for all that I have been blessed with.  I am grateful for the big things [my health, my family, my dear friends, my warm home, having food to eat, my testimony of Christ and His gospel, my husband having a job, etc. ], the little things [comfy slippers, naps, sipping hot cocoa while reading a good book or chatting with a friend, and more] and all the tender mercies the Lord continues to bestow upon me.

I am especially grateful for my remarkably sweet, kind, patient, loving, brilliant and humble husband.  It was 15 years ago on Thanksgiving morning (November 27, 1997) that we decided to get married.  We were sitting on some stone steps chatting while at Laguna Beach. An official proposal by him, with a ring and on bended knee, happened on December 21, 1997.

Thanksgiving 1997 at his parents house in Laguna Hills, CA
(sorry the picture caught you in mid bite)

And in case you don’t know much about The Messiah, I loved this explanation:

Question: What is it about this music that makes it worth performing every year, especially in a frazzled world that can seem so far removed from it?

Answer: First and foremost, Handel’s “Messiah” is a truly great piece, as is so much of his music. It’s full of wonderful tunes, soaring lines and is beautifully written for the voice. Whether one relates to it on a spiritual level, an emotional level, or a purely musical level, the piece plumbs the depths and heights of human emotion in a very accessible way.

Happy Thanksgiving Week!!  I hope everyone takes a moment this holiday season (and always!) to pause, reflect and ponder on the things they have to “rejoice greatly” about.

Leaves and Drawings and Such

Busy.

Life has been busy lately.  But then again, I can’t even remember when life didn’t seem busy!?!

Ever since the beginning of October, whenever I think of busy I think of this gem:

“Isn’t it true that we often get so busy? And, sad to say, we even wear our busyness as a badge of honor, as though being busy, by itself, was an accomplishment or sign of a superior life.” ~ Dieter F. Uchtdorf

And recently I read somewhere (Ha Ha.  See?  I am too busy to even remember where it was I read this or heard it !?!) that when we answer the question of “How are you doing?” and we simply reply “good” or “busy” that that is a lazy answer.

Regardless of the state of busyness my life may or may not be in right now, I still want to document the happenings of my family.  So here is a little bit of what has been going on since Fall began.

I loved watching our little tree in the front yard explode into a vibrant fire engine red color.

Keri participated in her first ever middle school volleyball season.  To say she loved it is an understatement.  It’s a shame the school district’s budget has been cut, otherwise they would have had more practices and games like they have in years past. When I went and watched her play, I was immediately flooded with memories of when I used to play high school and intramural volleyball!  I do miss those days!

Keri also had her first middle school choir concert.  I was quite impressed with how amazing they sounded and how beautifully they harmonized.  Her choir teacher is remarkable!

Eli has always been a meticulous colorer (his patience and ability to color within the lines is impressive for a kid his age), but lately he has decided to start creating his own drawings.  The first one is his version of Batman, and the second picture is his version of the “giant slug” Jabba the Hutt.  [Can you tell he has been on a super hero and good versus evil kick lately?]

Last weekend Randy and I had the opportunity to be substitutes in our ward’s bowling league.  We have bowled once in the last 9+ years so my expectations were relatively low. I was mostly excited to go on a date with my husband (who can pass up free bowling and nearly-free babysitting?) and to get out and socialize sans kids.  I would have been happy breaking 100 for each of the three games we bowled.  Needless to say when I scored 177 in the first game I was pretty stoked.  I even got a turkey – I didn’t even know what a turkey was until someone told me I had one!?!  No worries, though.  My score went  down for the next two games, but I was overly pleased that I still bowled in the 120′s and 130′s.  After our bowling fun, we then enjoyed visiting for a little while longer with two of the other couples that were there when we went out to dinner with them.

With Autumn upon us and with some recent rain storms, we have a ton of leaves in our yard.  Randy has dutifully been raking them up.  Ari wasn’t too happy to be picked up to have his picture taken – he wanted to get down and roam free!

Keri drew a picture of Christ for our Stake’s “Messiah” night.  I was impressed with how well it turned it!  [The kids definitely don't get their drawing gene from me.  I can't even draw stick figures!]

This blog post clearly shows me that I need to start being in more pictures WITH my kids … and so does my husband.  I also need to start taking more pictures of all of our kids as we do our everyday thing.

Being in the Thick of Motherhood

Growing up my mom would often tell me, with a hint of exasperation in her voice,  that I should join the debate team or become an attorney when I grew up.

Being somewhat clueless and naive, I simply thought this was a clever way for her to tell me how smart and brilliant I was.

However, now that I am in the thick of motherhood myself, I finally get it.  I suppose it’s payback time.

A recent drawing by Cory depicting our family.

Currently I am struggling to know how to handle this challenging, explorative and argumentative phase.  What battles do you pick?  What things do you let go and let slide?  How do you eliminate sass, disrespect and rudeness?  How do you still teach with love, kindness and firmness when you are trying  to not let things get under your skin? What do you correct and how do you discipline?  How do you develop more patience?

None of these somewhat rhetorical questions have an easy answer, but at least I have found some solace and peace from these words:

“If [students] are unresponsive, maybe you can’t teach them yet, but you can love them. And if you love them today, maybe you can teach them tomorrow. … None of that is dependent upon them. We can love them from start to finish, and miracles will happen.” – Elder Jeffrey R. Holland

“Nothing is so much calculated to lead people to forsake sin as to take them by the hand and watch over them with tenderness.” – Joseph Smith

“Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonesense.”- Ralph Waldo Emerson

“People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway. If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway. If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway. What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway. If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway. The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway. In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.” – Mother Teresa

“Motherhood matters. More than having the perfect house, the perfect body, the perfect planning schedule, the perfect kids, the perfect anything. You are a game changer. A life changer. You are their mother.” – Rachel Martin

“There is no one perfect way to be a good mother… Each mother has different challenges, different skills and abilities, and certainly different children… What matters is that a mother loves her children deeply and, in keeping with the devotion she has for God and her husband, prioritizes them above all else.” – Elder M. Russell Ballard

Tenderness.

Love.

Forgiveness.

Mercy.

And lots of patience.

I am strong.  I can do and endure hard things.

Our Family Captured by Jenn Ireland Photography

“Near the end of his life, one father looked back on how he had spent his time on earth. An acclaimed, respected author of numerous scholarly works, he said, ‘I wish I had written one less book and taken my children fishing more often.’

“Time passes quickly. Many parents say that it seems like yesterday that their children were born. Now those children are grown, perhaps with children of their own. ‘Where did the years go?’ they ask. We cannot call back time that is past, we cannot stop time that now is, and we cannot experience the future in our present state. Time is a gift, a treasure not to be put aside for the future but to be used wisely in the present.” ~ Thomas S. Monson

Knowing that we are done with the child bearing chapter in our life, I have been wanting to get some family photos done to preserve this moment in time when our kids are little.  Right now we are in the phase where it often feels like the years are short, but the days are long.

At times I wonder if the sibling rivalry will ever end.   I wonder if I will ever stop sounding like a broken record or if the selective hearing my kids have will magically disappear.  I wonder if there will ever be a day when there are no sticky crumbs all over the floor and I will be able to eat my dinner when it is warm.  I wonder if I will ever feel like I am  getting adequate rest.

But when I stop and think about how sacred my family is to me, I feel joy and peace.  I realize how lucky and blessed I am.  After all, there is nothing quite like the sounds of little ones giggling with no worries in the world or the warmth your heart feels when tiny hands and arms wrap around you in tender hugs.

At the beginning of June, we had an outdoor family photo shoot done by the talented photojournalist, Jenn Ireland.  To say I was pleased with her work is an understatement.  I was thoroughly impressed with the moments she was able to capture with her camera and her artistic eye.   Our personalities definitely shine through in the pictures she took!  I am incredibly grateful I will always be able to look at these photos and remember clearly and vividly the joy that comes from mothering young ones.  What a treasure I have been given!

Drinking At The Well

Listening to, watching and soaking up General Conference has become something I crave.  It refuels my body, spirit and soul.

This time around, though,  I was worried I wasn’t going to get as much out of it.   These past several months have been kind of foggy and hazy for me and consequently my cup has become parched.  Very parched.  I don’t feel like I have much to give to anyone, especially my precious kids who need me the most.

But I felt like I was drinking out of a fire hose this weekend, or a deep well that was abundantly filled.

I wasn’t let down.  My cup has been hydrated.  I desperately look forward to studying all the talks and messages I heard one by one and gleaning all I can from them on a more slow, deliberate and individual basis.  This will be the way I can keep these priceless gems at the forefront of my mind.

Here are just some of the things that touched me deeply while I partook:

• Parent with righteousness and tenderness, not anger and fear.
• “What a sacred responsibility Heavenly Father places upon us as parents to partner with Him and helping His choice spirits become what He knows they can become. This divine privilege of raising our children is a much greater responsibility than we can do alone without the Lord’s help. He knows exactly what our children need to know, what they need to do and what they need to be to come back into His presence. He gives mothers and fathers specific instruction and guidance through the scriptures, His prophets and the Holy Ghost.”
• Family time is sacred time and should be protected and respected.
• We know we are teaching our children when without rewards or threats they do what is right.
• There’s a difference between the church and the gospel.
• Some of the most important sacrifices we make are in our family.
• A foundation of faith that is embedded in our hearts takes time to build.
• We aren’t in a race against each other, but against sin.
• Envy is a universal sin and is a mistake that just keeps on giving.
• We shouldn’t be “downing a quart of pickle juice every time someone around [us] has a happy moment.”
• “So be kind.  And be grateful God is kind.  It is a happy way to live.”
• Let the distress of earlier hours, real or imagined, fall away in the abundance of the final reward.
• Forgiveness is real, there is no problem we can’t overcome.
• “It is not possible for you to sink lower than the infinite light of Christ’s Atonement shines. … The Lord paid an unfathomable price for the future He wants you to have.  You should accept the Atoning gift of the Lord Jesus Christ and enjoy the fellowship of His labor.  Don’t delay. It’s getting late. ”
• In the kingdom of God there are no second class citizens.
• You can’t change the past, but you can shape the future.
• Our burdens become lighter when we serve others because our own coffers become enriched.
• Don’t let our focus be taken off our divine mission.
• Have the courage not to judge others.
• Be an example – “What we are speaks so loudly that our children may not hear what we say.”
• Essential family curriculum is the message, ministry and Atonement of Christ.
• Read and actively study our scriptures on a daily basis.
• Reasonable sleep, exercise and good eating habits increase our capacity to receive and understand revelation.
• “Our Heavenly Father did not put us on earth to fail, but to succeed gloriously.”
• “Stop it.”  That is when it comes to hating, gossiping, ignoring, ridiculing, holding grudges or wanting to cause harm.
• “Each day ours is the challenge to access the power of the Atonement so we can truly change.”
• When you come across someone drowning, do you offer to help or just jump in?
• “There is no happiness without service and there is no service greater than that which converts the home to a divine institution and which promotes and preserves family life. “
• The most important cause of our lifetime is our family.
• We need to prioritize and do things in the right order.
• Teach with love and patience.
• “Wise parents prepare their children to get along without them.”
• Help our children establish their own connection to heaven.  They need to depend on the Lord, not us.
• “Come follow me” is an invitation and a daily duty.
• Fill your homes with love and courtesy.

This General Conference also brought about a change in the Relief Society General Presidency. I am looking forward to the leadership of Linda K. Burton and her counselors, but Julie. B. Beck will surely be missed.  She has had a profound impact on my life.

Here are a few quotes from her that are constantly percolating through my mind:

“Mothers who know do less. They permit less of what will not bear good fruit eternally. They allow less media in their homes, less distraction, less activity that draws their children away from their home.” ~ Julie B. Beck

“A good woman knows that she does not have enough time, energy, or opportunity to take care of all of the people or do all of the worthy things her heart yearns to do. …  But with personal revelation, she can prioritize correctly and navigate this life confidently.

“The ability to qualify for, receive, and act on personal revelation is the single most important skill that can be acquired in this life. …

Revelation can come hour by hour and moment by moment as we do the right things.  For instance, mothers can feel help from the Spirit even when tired, noisy children are clamoring for attention, but they can be distanced from the Spirit if they lose their temper with children. … Because personal revelation is a constantly renewable source of strength, it is possible to feel bathed in help even during turbulent times.” ~ Julie B. Beck

“In order to prioritize time wisely, I learned something from my father-in-law years ago. He was a  steel-worker and spent his life working three different shifts. He either worked the day shift, the afternoon shift, or the night shift. As a young mother I realized one time that I was working all three shifts, and that’s why I was so tired. We can’t do all things all at once, and we have to be careful and safeguard our shifts.

“As I have talked to young mothers and mothers with children at home, they tell me that their most important shift to be at the top of their game, to be the strongest lioness at the gate is the ‘swing shift.’ That’s the afternoon shift. That’s when everyone comes home hungry, tired, needy, and less lovable. It is when you are hungry, tired, needy, and less loveable. It is also the time of day when people are more teachable, when they are most grateful.

“Remember that influence and power come when we prioritize correctly. If you spend time elsewhere, you don’t have it to give. … Ask ‘Where do I need to prioritize my time?’ and ‘When do I have to be at the top of my game?’ I have learned that a good woman with the help of the Lord can usually work two to two and a half shifts. However, no one can work all three shifts. You have to prioritize where you are going to spend your energy.” ~ Julie B. Beck

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Here are a couple of previous posts where I wrote about Sister Julie B. Beck’s words working in my everyday life:

Clinging

Working The Swing Shift

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 And lastly, here is an excellent blog post  from Mormon Women where you can read more touching tributes and words of gratitude for the work Sister Beck, Sister Allred and Sister Thompson performed while they served in the General Relief Society Presidency.

Words On My Mind …

“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow.” ~ Melody Beattie

“Trying (but failing) to see your goals realized can be frustrating. Margaret Thatcher once said, ‘You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it,’ and she was absolutely right. You’ve got to believe that you will succeed! Never admit defeat as long as time and effort remain. Our greatest asset is patience; our greatest weakness is throwing in the towel. Banish discouragement and feelings of impossibility by working hard, doing more, and not giving in! A diamond was only made beautiful after millions of years as a lump of coal.” ~ Sparkpeople.com

“You will come to know that what appears today to be a sacrifice will prove instead to be the greatest investment that you will ever make.” ~ Gordon B. Hinckley

“A true friend is someone who sees the pain in your eye while everyone else believes the smile on your face.”

“Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles. It empties today of its strength.” ~ Mary Engelbreit

“Be yourself.  There is something that you can do better than any other. Listen to the inward voice and bravely obey that.”

“Anyone who imagines that bliss is normal is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that he’s been robbed. The fact is that most putts don’t drop, most beef is tough, most children grow up to just be people, most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration, most jobs are more often dull than otherwise. Life is like an old time rail journey…delays…sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling burst of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride.” ― Gordon B. Hinckley

“Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.”

“Comparison is the thief of joy.” ~ Theodore Roosevelt

“God doesn’t give us what we can handle, God helps us handle what we are given.”

“When a train goes through a tunnel and it gets dark, you don’t throw away the ticket and jump off. You sit still and trust the engineer.” ~Corrie ten Boom

“I can’t tell if it’s killing me or making me stronger.”

“Men and women who turn their lives over to God will discover that He can make a lot more out of their lives than they can. He can deepen their joys, expand their vision, quicken their minds, strengthen their muscles, lift their spirits, multiply their blessings, increase their opportunities, comfort their souls and pour out peace.” ~ Ezra Taft Benson

“The most precious jewels you’ll ever have around your neck are the arms of your children.”

Resoluting Courageously

Is resoluting even a word?

Well, it should be .

Here’s a quote that struck a chord with me when I read it last week:

As we reflect on the value of resolving to do better, let us determine to discipline ourselves to carefully select the resolutions we make, to consider the purpose for making them, and finally to make commitments for keeping them and not letting any obstacle stop us. Let us remind ourselves at the beginning of each day that we can keep a resolution just for that day. ~ President N. Eldon Tanner

I like the recipe President Tanner offers.  Discipline.  Purpose.  Commitment.  I also like how he breaks things down into baby steps –  following through on our goals for just one day at a time.  Though sometimes it can be a great feat to even keep those commitments for an hour, let alone a day.

The advice President Monson offered in his “Living the Abundant Life” article has also given me motivation to keep plugging along with my 2012 word of the year.  He gives us his own ABC’s to help us learn how to live an abundant life – have a positive Attitude, Believe in yourself and have Courage.

Ever since I read it, the following message he shared has been tumbling through my mind day in and day out.  It’s a remarkable gem and it makes you want to never give up, but to keep on trying no matter how many times you might not succeed:

Courage is required to make an initial thrust toward one’s coveted goal, but even greater courage is called for when one stumbles and must make a second effort to achieve.

Have the determination to make the effort, the single-mindedness to work toward a worthy goal, and the courage not only to face the challenges that inevitably come but also to make a second effort, should such be required. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says, “I’ll try again tomorrow.” ~ President Thomas S. Monson

We are now one third of the way done with the first month of the new year and so far I am still keeping my 2012 word at the forefront of my brain.  GENTLE.

I have been working on being gentle with my stomach – fueling it with proper food. (Sugar is highly addictive and my willpower sometimes is rather fragile.)

I have been working on being gentle with the budget – not stretching it past its limit.

I have been working on being gentle with my voice – using a nice tone with my kids and taking notice of why, in the first place, it even takes on a bitter tone.

Speaking of kids and parenting, here’s what I posted on Facebook the other day:

I *had* to share this brilliant post. As a parent, who can’t relate to being “tired and cranky and ready for the day to be over quite often?”

Every mother really should read that post.  Yes, the article is that good.

How are your resolutions/goals/whatever you want to call what you are striving-to-be-or-change coming along?

Happy resoluting !

My 2012 Word Of The Year

WORD OF THE YEAR:  This word is supposed to guide you during the year.  It is supposed to inspire you.  It is supposed to help you better define your life.  It is supposed to help you grow.  It is supposed to motivate you.  It is supposed to remind you of your priorities.

Up.

Embrace.

Temperance.

These have been some of my words of the year in the past.

My word for the year 2012?

Gentleness is one of the manifestations of a virtuous person. That is why many of us love to go along with gentle people. Ladies love a gentleman’s comfort; children love the mildness and tenderness of gentle parents; a gentle friend is always there to calm you; and a gentle leader is one that gives honor and respect.

A gentle person is one who is self-sacrificing, humble, kind, just, loving, peaceful, forgiving, joyful and understanding. They are not selfish, proud, rude, iniquitous, arrogant, violent, insecure and ignorant. This only means that they possesses not only one virtue that makes them that, but they possesses several great virtues that work as one to make them a gentle person.

Gentleness is not only seen in a persons actions, it can also be demonstrated in their thoughts, words and intentions. This is because it lives deep within them. Once a person is gentle, they also have a gentle root and foundation. Moreover, they also bear the fruits and consequences of gentleness. These fruits include peace, harmony, joy and thankfulness.

To achieve gentleness, you need to have a great power. This must be a power that can bind a power. You need to be stronger. You must have a great strength that can manage your own strength. Furthermore, you must have a self that can control yourself, or in other word, self-control. This also means that you must become your inner self, rather than your external self.

Finding your inner self is simply finding your pure self. This is yourself when you are not yet corrupted by the negative forces that are in this world. These forces include pride, wrath, misery and insecurity. Therefore, to purify yourself and to have gentleness in your mind, heart, mouth and actions, you need to remove all those dark qualities that have contaminated your life since you were born on Earth.

Being gentle sounds simple, but so hard to do. You need to have a great power to do that. The greater power that can overcome the power that makes you rough is one that is more eternal – one that lasts longer and even forever. That power is found in your spirit. It is the spirit that comes from God, which pulls all the spiritual things you need to possess gentleness. It is the spirit that is founded by love.

Love is such a great thing. It’s hard to practice; it’s hard to be consistent. But if you want to achieve greater powers, which give you the ability to do greater things (such as being gentle), you need to practice harder in loving. This is the secret to gentleness: have all the virtues that support it, such as joy, peace, thankfulness, compassion and patience. Then bind them all with love, which connects them all together to work us one… to work in making you a truly gentle person.

Finally, we must always remember that being gentle is greater than being rough. Being self-controlled is harder than being violent. This only means that living in gentleness is a life of greater people. So if you want to be great, be gentle… and if you want to be gentle, be great. ~ secretcontents.com

I want to be more gentle with my kids.  More gentle with my spouse.  More gentle with myself.  More gentle with others.  More gentle in all my relationships.

I want to use a more gentle voice.

I want to be more gentle with the way I use my precious time.

I want to be more gentle and respectful with the body I have been blessed with.  I need to get more sleep, be more fit and fill my body with more healthy foods.

Do you have a word of the year you would like to share?

I hope everyone is having a healthy, happy and purposeful start to their new year.

Flecks and Nuggets In Parenting and Life

Having grown up in a family with 9 kids, now mothering my own 4 kids, being a former high school Biology teacher, babysitting like crazy when I was younger, serving in Church callings with kidlets, being an aunt to several nieces and nephews – I completely get the fact that children aren’t perfect.  (Neither are we adults, far from it in fact.)

And I know we don’t expect our kids to ever be perfect.  After all, that is what parenting is all about.  We are here to love them, train them, inspire them, encourage them and teach them, while also learning right along with them as we travel along this road of parenthood.

But often times without ever realizing it, I think we do expect perfection from our kids – we want them to eat like civilized people, we want them to keep their rooms tidy and clean, we want them to never squabble or heaven forbid hit their siblings, we want them to listen the first time because we don’t like repeating ourselves over and over and over again.

I know I don’t expect my kids to ever have a perfect year, or even the perfect day, but why do I so often subconsciously think they should be practically perfect in smaller chunks of time?

We should be able to have a perfectly civilized meal where the kids use their manners and eat what is fixed without getting out of their seats to run around the house.  We should be able to have a Family Home Evening lesson where it doesn’t start with a fight, end in a fight and have fighting in the middle.  We should be able to have kids that know to pick up their toys as soon as they are done playing. We should be able to have kids that won’t ever be tempted to punch or tease their siblings just to see how they react.

I, as a parent, obviously need to pan for more flecks, and not for the nuggets.

I, as a parent, obviously need to redefine what flecks and nuggets even are.

Let me explain.

“Oftentimes we are like the young merchant from Boston, who in 1849, as the story goes, was caught up in the fervor of the California gold rush. He sold all of his possessions to seek his fortune in the California rivers, which he was told were filled with gold nuggets so big that one could hardly carry them.

“Day after endless day, the young man dipped his pan into the river and came up empty. His only reward was a growing pile of rocks. Discouraged and broke, he was ready to quit until one day an old, experienced prospector said to him, ‘That’s quite a pile of rocks you are getting there, my boy.’

“The young man replied, ‘There’s no gold here. I’m going back home.’

“Walking over to the pile of rocks, the old prospector said, ‘Oh, there is gold all right. You just have to know where to find it.’ He picked two rocks up in his hands and crashed them together. One of the rocks split open, revealing several flecks of gold sparkling in the sunlight.

“Noticing a bulging leather pouch fastened to the prospector’s waist, the young man said, ‘I’m looking for nuggets like the ones in your pouch, not just tiny flecks.’

“The old prospector extended his pouch toward the young man, who looked inside, expecting to see several large nuggets. He was stunned to see that the pouch was filled with thousands of flecks of gold.

“The old prospector said, ‘Son, it seems to me you are so busy looking for large nuggets that you’re missing filling your pouch with these precious flecks of gold. The patient accumulation of these little flecks has brought me great wealth.’” ~ M. Russell Ballard

Instead of viewing meal time or family together time as a fleck in the day, I need to view each of those moments as a single nugget.  And then learn to rejoice in the flecks that do exist within that smaller period of time.  The flecks are always there, but I have just been too busy searching for my perfect larger nuggets to notice them.  In fact I have been throwing away several flecks while searching for the elusive larger nuggets.

I think one of the hardest aspects in parenting is to not let the moods of other people in the house, especially when those people are grumpy, whiny or angry, rub off on us.  We must rise above the fray and stay even keeled.

I have really been struggling with this lately.  I have been letting the grouchy moods of my kids dictate my own attitude.  (And when this happens, it is then rather easy for me to earn the title of Meanest Mom of the Year.)  But I think if I can look more for the flecks in my life, I will soon realize how many I have, and it will be easier for me to stay calmer, even during the midst of storms created by the ever fluctuating moods of my children.

But not only do I need to look for smaller flecks at home when it comes to parenting, I need to look for the smaller flecks in every aspect of my life.

This is the gift I want to give myself this holiday season – the gift of a more optimistic, positive and grateful attitude.  And by giving this gift to myself, I will in turn be giving a gift to the Lord and all of those people I come into contact with.

“Life is just like an old time rail journey … delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders, and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride.” –Gordon B. Hinckley

It’s The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year

Even though Easter is my favorite holiday, the Thanksgiving and Christmas season is my favorite time of year.

I adore the lights, the music, the nativity scenes, the traditions, the festivities, the color schemes, the smells and tastes of the season, the more giving and caring attitudes that tend to exist, the symbols, the quality time spent with loved ones.  I think my affection for this sacred season has increased with each passing year.

And it is not so much the exact day of Christmas that is best for me, but the time leading up to it.

It is a magical time.

It truly is “the most wonderful time of the year.”

Normally every December we pack up and head to Southern California to celebrate Christmas with Grandparents [we desperately miss the fact that both sets don't live there anymore!], aunts, uncles and lots of cousins.  This year, for a variety of reasons, Randy and I decided to christen our new home by celebrating our first Christmas in it with just our little family.

As was expected, the older two kids have mixed feelings about our decision, because in their hearts Christmas just isn’t the same without the traditions we have established in Los Angeles – especially enjoying the huge family Christmas Eve celebration my mom puts on every year.

But to ease them into the change that might become more permanent, I have made a list of things for us to do throughout the month of December to help bring the spirit of Christmas more readily into our hearts and home.

Some things are more spiritual in nature, other things more fun.  Most of the things are pretty simple. My whole point, though, is to enjoy our time together as a family. This also means remembering that these activities are going to involve the typical antics of silly and hyper kids who sometimes get loud and whiny and grumpy, but hopefully they will still glean something meaningful from them .

• Every night in December, utilize the Christmas advent binder I made when we were first married.  Each night contains a scripture, a Christmas story and a Christmas song to sing.  After that, we then get the Christmas chocolate out of our Christmas nativity countdown.
• Watch the First Presidency Christmas devotional … or at least parts of it depending on the attention spans of the kids .
• Make a snowman craft.  [Thank you, Target, for providing the fun!]
• Make our annual gingerbread house, a tradition that started in 2005.  [Thank you, Costco!]
• Watch Christmas movies while drinking hot chocolate. (I have a slew of movies that would be fun.)
• Attend the Christmas party put on by our ward (Church) congregation.
• Make nativity scenes with stickers.
• Make sugar cookies and deliver them to neighbors.
• Write letters to each other and put them in our stockings to read on Christmas morning.  Encourage them to do this secretly throughout the entire month.
• Make Christmas trees using sugar cones, green icing and candy. [Thanks Pinterest for the idea!]

• Read lots of Christmas stories from the public library and from our stash at home.
• Drive around our new neighborhood and area to see all the lights.  [I wish the Temple near us put up lights for the season, just like the Los Angeles and Salt Lake City Temples do.]
• Make snowflakes out of coffee filters and paper.

• Attend local school choir concerts and mall concerts.
• On Christmas Eve, read Luke 2 and act out the nativity scene.

I doubt we will get to all of these things, but I want to help my kids soak up this time of year by creating special and lasting memories for them to cherish.  Memories that when they recall them, fill them with warmth, light and the Spirit.  Ultimately, though, I want them to know and understand the true meaning of Christmas – it is all about Christ.

And here are a few of my favorite quotes from the First Presidency Christmas devotional we watched last night:

“In these precious moments we realize what we feel and know in our heart, that Christmas is really about the Christ.”  ~ President Dieter F. Uchtdorf

“Christmas in its essence is much more sturdy and enduring than the many minor things of life we too often use to adorn it.” ~ President Dieter F. Uchtdorf

“But the celebrations of Christmas can help remind us of Him.  The hallowed Christmas season can be an opportunity, and should be one, to recommit to keep the fire of the spirit and the glory of the Son of God burning in our hearts every day throughout the year.  This is a wonderful time of the year.  It may not be perfect, but if Christmas can point our hearts toward our Savior we can rejoice even in the imperfections of the season.” ~ President Dieter F. Uchtdorf

Here’s to a wonderful season …