Raising My Spirited Child

I have become that mom.

Though, I think I have been that mom now for nearly five years.

I am one of those moms you have seen at the local store.  One of those moms who often gets the glare or dirty look because it is my child who is the one racing up and down every aisle with lightning speed, touching everything within sight and climbing on whatever is available.  Holding still and being quiet is not something my child knows how to do – and it is not because we haven’t tried teaching him.

I am one of those moms who has the kid who will let out an ear piercing shriek when he wails and has a public meltdown because something unfortunately does not go his way.  Often times when this happens, a full blown tantrum complete with stomping and flailing of body parts ensues.  And the scenes do not end quickly or quietly.

I am one of those moms whose child is a “handful.”

I am one of those moms who often gets asked – or at least feels like that with the looks I get -  “Are you sure your child isn’t hyperactive?  Are you sure he doesn’t need medication?  Are you sure he doesn’t need more discipline?  Do you need to be more lenient?  Does he need to be tested? Are you sure he doesn’t need the law laid down and a spanking?  Have you taken a parenting class?”

No, no, no, no, no, no and no.  Often times I wish these people could see my oldest child.  I have raised her and my five year old with the same parenting style, but they are completely different. It is because they come to this earth with their own temperament.  Shocking, I know.

Nurture is definitely a factor in life, but don’t discount what the nature of genes will do when you have a child.  Your “perfect” parenting skills will only go so far with spirited children.

What is a spirited child?  They are “normal” children who are just harder to raise.

The word that distinguishes spirited children from other children is MORE. … More intense, persistent, sensitive, perceptive and uncomfortable with change than other children.  All children possess these characteristics, but spirited kids possess them with a depth and range not available to other children.  Spirited kids are the super ball in a room full of rubber balls.  Other kids bounce three feet off the ground.  EVERY bounce for a spirited child hits the ceiling. ~ Mary Kurcinka

This is E.X.A.C.T.L.Y. what my Cory is.

Though, I think he is among the spirited of the spirited.  (And just so you know, spirited kids statistically make up about 10-15% of children currently being raised.)

On bad days, which can be quite often when you don’t know what you are up against, raising a spirited child makes you feel like you are raising four kids in one.  It is confusing, frustrating, exhausting, challenging, discouraging and guilt-inducing.  Often times you feel like a complete and utter failure as a parent.

However, on the good days, raising a spirited child can make you feel overly blessed.  It can be exhilarating, funny, beautiful and brilliant because they bring you into their world which is lived with more passion, creativity, courage and energy than you can ever possibly imagine.

The problem is, you never know what kind of day you are going to have.  And often times you can go from pure joy and bliss to complete exasperation in under ten seconds.

When I finally discovered the book, “Raising Your Spirited Child” by Mary Kurcinka, I felt like I found a buried treasure.

This book has helped me feel not so alone.  It has helped me realize I didn’t create my spirited child or make his temperament worse.  It has helped me realize why I often feel so selfish, lazy and exhausted every day.

And above, all, it is teaching me how to understand and how to positively raise and work with my lovable and exuberant little man.  We can make a successful team.

TO BE CONTINUED …

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