It is looking like the 11 year school chapter we have been living is coming to a close. And it looks like this chapter might be finished once and for all.
There will surely be no more rewrites or footnotes or last minute revisions … or so it seems. Why is it so hard to use the word never?!
It almost seems surreal.
A little over a month ago Rudy successfully defended his second Master’s degree. Since then he has been working full time at the same university in a hired position. Originally this position was supposed to open the door for him to still be able to receive his doctorate sometime during the course of the next year or so. His employer/adviser was perfectly fine with the arrangement.
Of course we had to go through the formality of applying for a “Leave of Absence” from the program. We never gave it much thought. After all, we assumed it was just another hoop to jump through.
But today we received the following notification:
The Student Affairs Committee met and deliberated at length regarding your petition. The Committee understood the reason for your request but decided not to approve it.
My heart kind of stopped when I read those words.
And when it started beating again it ached for my husband. For his lost dream.
I never thought in a trillion years that this was where we would hit an impassable road block.
But we have.
For the most part we both think the Lord has now firmly shut the door on this part of our life. The windows, too, have been permanently painted shut.
It is true we might be able to pry open one of those windows with a chisel and a lot of hard work and determination, but I don’t think that is the path intended for us.
I feel like I have gone through a lot of personal growth during the last few weeks and months. Many different things have been weighing on my mind, many things that have left me pondering and searching for answers.
But this last week or so the Lord has granted me some much needed peace. He has shown me tender mercy after tender mercy. He has sent me strength beyond my own, strength from Him and strength from angels.
I am definitely still processing the fact that this door has just been shut. I have mixed emotions about certain things, but there is an underlying calmness that surrounds my soul.
I know my life and the life of my family is in the palm of the Lord’s hand.
The schooling ride we have endured these last 11 years has been much longer than we ever expected it to be. We have learned many unexpected lessons along the way and we have also not achieved many things we thought we would achieve along the way.
But our trust is planted firmly in the Lord.
“This life is an experience in profound trust—trust in Jesus Christ, trust in His teachings, trust in our capacity as led by the Holy Spirit to obey those teachings for happiness now and for a purposeful, supremely happy eternal existence. To trust means to obey willingly without knowing the end from the beginning. To produce fruit, your trust in the Lord must be more powerful and enduring than your confidence in your own personal feelings and experience.
“To exercise faith is to trust that the Lord knows what He is doing with you and that He can accomplish it for your eternal good even though you cannot understand how He can possibly do it. We are like infants in our understanding of eternal matters and their impact on us here in mortality. Yet at times we act as if we knew it all. When you pass through trials for His purposes, as you trust Him, exercise faith in Him, He will help you. That support will generally come step by step, a portion at a time. While you are passing through each phase, the pain and difficulty that comes from being enlarged will continue. If all matters were immediately resolved at your first petition, you could not grow. Your Father in Heaven and His Beloved Son love you perfectly. They would not require you to experience a moment more of difficulty than is absolutely needed for your personal benefit or for that of those you love. …
“How grateful I am personally that our Savior taught we should conclude our most urgent, deeply felt prayers, when we ask for that which is of utmost importance to us, with “Thy will be done” (Matt. 26:42). Your willingness to accept the will of the Father will not change what in His wisdom He has chosen to do. However, it will certainly change the effect of those decisions on you personally. That evidence of the proper exercise of agency allows His decisions to produce far greater blessings in your life. I have found that because of our Father’s desire for us to grow, He may give us gentle, almost imperceptible promptings that, if we are willing to accept without complaint, He will enlarge to become a very clear indication of His will. This enlightenment comes because of our faith and our willingness to do what He asks even though we would desire something else.
“Our Father in Heaven has invited you to express your needs, hopes, and desires unto Him. That should not be done in a spirit of negotiation, but rather as a willingness to obey His will no matter what direction that takes. His invitation, “Ask, and ye shall receive” does not assure that you will get what you want. It does guarantee that, if worthy, you will get what you need, as judged by a Father that loves you perfectly, who wants your eternal happiness even more than do you. …
“Try to understand those teachings not only with your mind but also with your heart. …
“The Lord’s plan is to exalt you to live with Him and be greatly blessed. The rate at which you qualify is generally set by your capacity to mature, to grow, to love, and to give of yourself. He is preparing you to be a god. You cannot understand fully what that means, yet, He knows. As you trust Him, seek and follow His will, you will receive blessings that your finite mind cannot understand here on earth. Your Father in Heaven and His Holy Son know better than you what brings happiness. They have given you the plan of happiness. As you understand and follow it, happiness will be your blessing. As you willingly obey, receive, and honor the ordinances and covenants of that holy plan, you can have the greatest measure of satisfaction in this life. Yes, even times of overpowering happiness. You will prepare yourself for an eternity of glorious life with your loved ones who qualify for that kingdom.” ~ Richard G. Scott, “Trust In The Lord”
I know from the bottom of my heart that I lead an abundant life. And for that knowledge the Lord grants me, I am grateful.