What Maybe Should Have Been

Feeling warm sand sifting between my toes while listening to the gentle roar of the ocean. Sleeping in for four days without little ones to attend to. Getting a pedicure and manicure. Enjoying a much needed massage. Having a BBQ with my family I haven’t seen in 6 months.

Right now I am supposed to be in Southern California for an extended weekend hanging out with my sister who is also expecting her third baby, while my sweet husband kept the kids home in Western Washington. But obviously, our plans didn’t pan out the way they were supposed to.

I had this trip booked for the last two months and I have been thinking about it even longer. It was going to be my big getaway and chance at some peace, quiet and relaxation before this new little one is set to arrive. Rudy and I kept praying that things would work out, I almost think he wanted to give me this gift more than I wanted it, but apparently it wasn’t meant to be, at least for now. When push came to shove it was incredibly easy to realize that staying home with my family and supporting Rudy in this chaotic time of his schooling was way more important.

For the last 10 years we have been steadily working towards Rudy graduating with his doctorate and finally … we think … we have the last year, maybe less, in sight. As the month of April drew to a close and the month of May began, it began to look like this trip of mine was in jeopardy, even though we were doing everything we could to avoid canceling it. However, Rudy didn’t have much choice when it came time to schedule a General Exam Supervisory Committee Meeting with 5 different professors. The only time they could nail down to meet happened to interfere with travel plans.

Amazingly it was actually quite easy for me to accept the fact that this trip might have to happen in the next year or two as opposed to the next week or two. I canceled the flights and let my family in California know I was staying home. Rudy, Cory, Keri and I have actually had quite an enjoyable holiday weekend together and for the most part I haven’t been lamenting the fact that I should be gone.

However, when Rudy got an email late last night, and a couple of other ones the day or so before, I did begin to feel slightly irked. At least the feelings of resentment faded quickly.

Apparently 3 of the 5 professors on Rudy’s committee can not make it to the intended meeting they helped schedule. They irresponsibly gave Rudy incorrect information about when they were and were not available. And even though he double checked with them all at the beginning of last week to make sure the time and day really did work, they still didn’t notice their mistakes.

Needless to say, his General Exam Supervisory Committee Meeting now needs to be changed to a later date and it looks like I could have gone to sunny California after all.

Well maybe.

Deep down I still think, and so does Rudy, that there was a definite reason why I didn’t go on my intended trip. We will probably never know why we both felt this way, but that really is a moot point.

For now we will enjoy our little BBQ we will be having just the four of us and we will try and figure out the next step along this multi forked road to graduation. Our original plans were to have this meeting and his General Exam done before the baby came mid-July, but now it is looking like the General Exam will have to be taken after the little one gets here. I am sure things will somehow work out the way they are supposed to, God always has a way of making sure we are taken care of.

However, one other side lesson I have learned from this whole ordeal is to make sure, even more so than I already try to do, that I am considerate of the time and needs of others. What Rudy has been diligently working on for the past month won’t go to waste, but I still feel bad for him that these professors on his committee so carelessly responded to his scheduling emails. He did everything he could possibly do to accommodate their busy schedules, yet they didn’t show the same courtesy back.

Life and its interactions is really all about mutual respect.

Ending Too Soon

Today was Cory’s last day of preschool.  “Summer Break” for him has now officially begun … even though Mother Nature apparently hasn’t gotten the same memo.

His class only met once a week for two and half hours at a time, but it is amazing how much one can get done during that short time frame with no little kids underfoot. I always felt like a-carefree-superwoman during those precious hours darting from here to there squeezing in everything I could and doing whatever I wanted to do. I wish I had that much energy all the time.

Here’s to hoping that come this Fall he will be “mostly competently potty trained” so he can continue preschool with the same teachers who cherish his spirited yet sweet personality. I am praying with all I am worth that we can reach this milestone because with a new baby arriving in 8 weeks, I would love to have some much needed down time come September.

Now if only I could convince three year old Cory to see things the way I see them. Right now his interest in this process is hovering right about zero.

Happy Tenth Anniversary

Dear Rudy,

It’s hard to believe that ten years ago today we exchanged wedding vows and began our new life together united as one. On our wedding day I remember being thrilled to finally be married. We had met nearly four years before that time, and very early on in our relationship you and I both had an inkling that we would be spending eternity together … even if we were afraid to mention it to each other.

And ten years later?

As cliché as it may sound, I am even more happy than I ever could have possibly imagined. Yes, I know, we have definitely had our ups and downs over the years as we have learned to communicate more clearly and effectively and as we have learned to find a good balance between compromise and just understanding each others needs better, but I certainly feel like we have always been making steady progress in an upwards trend. Marriage is definitely hard work, but just like motherhood it is so very worth it.

“Marriage demands work. A happy marriage exacts the very best of us. Yet above all, maintaining a successful marriage is a choice.”

~ Janette K. Gibbons

You are the perfect complement to me and I feel like we tend to bring out the best in each other. I also find it comforting that when I am having a down and off-my-rocker kind of day (or week or month), you are positive, stable, patient and encouraging. And when it is the other way around, I do the same for you. I feel extremely blessed that we are able to do this for each other. I definitely know the Lord is continually watching over our marriage.

I know when we first got married and went on our relatively low budget honeymoon to Palm Springs, we dreamed of doing something big for our ten year wedding anniversary. We had dreams of Hawaii or Europe or a Caribbean vacation on some exotic and relaxing beach without any kids tagging along.

Of course we had always assumed you would be long done with school and that we would be in a more comfortable position in our lives, but that is not the case. And quite honestly, it really doesn’t matter at all to me. Maybe in the next couple of years we will finally be able to make one of those dreams a reality, but for now I am just grateful that we are still happily together and that we get to celebrate such an incredible milestone.

Thank you for being you and thank you for making me the most important thing in your earthly life. I cherish our friendship, our relationship and our marriage. I always will.

I love you more than I could ever adequately describe and I look forward to my love growing even more deeply for you as we continue to live the rest of our lives together.

All my love,

Lucy

Words That Speak To A Mother’s Heart

“In speaking of mothers generally, I especially wish to praise and encourage young mothers. The work of a mother is hard, too often unheralded work. The young years are often those when either husband or wife—or both—may still be in school … Finances fluctuate daily between low and nonexistent. The apartment is usually decorated in one of two smart designs—Deseret Industries provincial or early Mother Hubbard. The car, if there is one, runs on smooth tires and an empty tank. But with night feedings and night teethings, often the greatest challenge of all for a young mother is simply fatigue.

“Through these years, mothers go longer on less sleep and give more to others with less personal renewal for themselves than any other group I know at any other time in life. It is not surprising when the shadows under their eyes sometimes vaguely resemble the state of Rhode Island.

“Do the best you can through these years, but whatever else you do, cherish that role that is so uniquely yours and for which heaven itself sends angels to watch over you and your little ones. Husbands—especially husbands— … and friends in every direction, be helpful and sensitive and wise. Remember, ‘To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.’

“Mothers, we acknowledge and esteem your faith in every footstep. Please know that it is worth it then, now, and forever.

“One young mother wrote to me … ‘Through the thick and the thin of this, and through the occasional tears of it all, I know deep down inside I am doing God’s work. I know that in my motherhood I am in an eternal partnership with Him. I am deeply moved that God finds His ultimate purpose and meaning in being a parent, even if some of His children make Him weep.’

“In light of that kind of expression, it is clear that some of those Rhode Island–sized shadows come not just from diapers and carpooling but from at least a few sleepless nights spent searching the soul, seeking earnestly for the capacity to raise these children to be what God wants them to be. Moved by that kind of devotion and determination, may I say to mothers collectively, in the name of the Lord, you are magnificent. You are doing terrifically well. The very fact that you have been given such a responsibility is everlasting evidence of the trust your Father in Heaven has in you. He knows that your giving birth to a child does not immediately propel you into the circle of the omniscient. If you and your husband will strive to love God and live the gospel yourselves; if you will plead for that guidance and comfort of the Holy Spirit promised to the faithful … if you try your best to be the best parent you can be, you will have done all that a human being can do and all that God expects you to do.

“When you have come to the Lord in meekness and lowliness of heart and, as one mother said, ‘pounded on the doors of heaven to ask for, to plead for, to demand guidance and wisdom and help for this wondrous task,’ that door is thrown open to provide you the influence and the help of all eternity. Claim the promises of the Savior of the world. Ask for the healing balm of the Atonement for whatever may be troubling you or your children. Know that in faith things will be made right in spite of you, or more correctly, because of you.

“You can’t possibly do this alone, but you do have help. The Master of Heaven and Earth is there to bless you—He who resolutely goes after the lost sheep, sweeps thoroughly to find the lost coin, waits everlastingly for the return of the prodigal son. Yours is the work of salvation, and therefore you will be magnified, compensated, made more than you are and better than you have ever been as you try to make honest effort, however feeble you may sometimes feel that to be.

“Rely on Him. Rely on Him heavily. Rely on Him forever. And ‘press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope.’ You are doing God’s work. You are doing it wonderfully well. He is blessing you and He will bless you, even—no, especially—when your days and your nights may be the most challenging. Like the woman who anonymously, meekly, perhaps even with hesitation and some embarrassment, fought her way through the crowd just to touch the hem of the Master’s garment, so Christ will say to the women who worry and wonder and sometimes weep over their responsibility as mothers, ‘Daughter, be of good comfort; thy faith hath made thee whole.’ And it will make your children whole as well.”

~ Jeffrey R. Holland, “Because She Is A Mother”

I know this is a rather long quote … OK, it is more like half a talk … but these words, simply put, speak to my heart.

They inspire me to want to be the mother I know I can be. They reassure me that I am doing the best that I know how. They give me the strength and courage I need right now to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

“Heaven itself sends angels to watch over you and your little ones.”

“Know that in faith things will be made right in spite of you, or more correctly, because of you.”

Motherhood is hard work, but motherhood is so very worth it.

I hope everyone who is a mother, and everyone who longs to be a mother, has a very happy and wonderful Mother’s Day!

Happy Mother’s Day!

The Irony Of Mother’s Day

Mother’s Day is only a few short days away and for once in my life I have no desire to celebrate it. In fact, I am kind of dreading it. It’s not because my husband or kids don’t make this a special day for me [in fact my sweet daughter has been writing me Mother's Day notes for the last two weeks now], it is more because lately I feel like I have been the world’s meanest and most irrational mom.  I am sure many of you can relate.

Currently my patience is non-existent, especially with three year old toddlers who refuse to listen and who wake up before 6 in the morning … even with blankets hung on the window and all night lights and clocks that glow completely removed from the room. When this baby arrives I worry more about Cory waking the newest one up as opposed to the other way around?!?

Right now it seems like I get frustrated at the silliest things and that I get on my kids cases for the smallest infractions. And because of this, I then become the yelly mom who feels guilty for being so short tempered.

I am tired of living in a small apartment where I feel like I am constantly on edge wondering if my kids who are just being kids by being somewhat loud and crazy are making too much noise for the cranky, cantankerous, complaining lady who lives below us.

I get tired of having to constantly remind the kids to use quiet feet and then I get so fed up of all the reminding … not to mention I also get lazy from all the reminding that goes in one ear and out the other … that I resort to the television. But then I get irritated because I feel like the TV is always on.

And no matter how many trips to the park and school playground we make, the energy my kids have is endless. I wish they could channel some of it to me.

OK.

Enough complaining.

I know deep down I am grateful for motherhood. I consciously and prayerfully made the decision to enter into this noble calling in life.

I feel extremely blessed to even have children that drive me insane. After all it has taken a lot of effort to get them here. And I know my life is so much easier than many others [at least I have food to eat, even if it does cost a lot, and at least a cyclone didn't tear apart the city I live in], but these raging pregnancy hormones and lack of spring sunshine are enough to drive any woman bonkers.

And to satisfy the minds of all those who keep emailing me wondering what I look like 7 months pregnant? Here you go.

Enjoy the spots on my dirty mirror .

Organizing Bag Giveaway!

Lara The Lazy Organizer is at it again. She is hosting yet another fabulous organizing bag giveaway!

Organize your receipts.

Organize your first aid kit.

Not exactly sure what an organizing bag is? Then let me briefly explain how you can better organize your life.

Lara personally designed these bags to help her keep her life organized. They come in 5 convenient sizes, including extra small and extra large, and they are very reasonably priced. These bags are ideal because they take up less space than boxes and bins and you can even hang them on hooks to utilize wall space.

What can you put in these bags? The possibilities are simply endless.

• Organize your computer cords and cables.
• Organize your make-up.
• Organize your arts and crafts.
• Organize your pens, pencils and other office supplies.
• Organize an emergency child kit for your car – change of clothes, Advil, snacks, little toys and wipes.
• Organize your toiletries on a trip.
• Organize the odds and ends in your junk drawer.
• Organize items you buy in bulk (toothbrushes, t*mpons, gum, medicine, batteries, etc.)
• Organize homeschooling items such as play money and flash cards.
• Organize your games and kids puzzles.
• Organize your change.
• Organize your scrapbooking supplies.
• Organize your knitting.
• Organize your thank you cards.
• Let your kids organize the toys they take in the car.

Have you caught the organizing bug yet? Hopefully you have.

So how can you win your own set of free organizing bags? Merely click on over to The Lazy Organizer’s blog and leave a comment per her fun “baby” instructions on her organizing bag giveaway post.

Lara will choose a winner on Friday, as long as she is not in the hospital giving birth. This contest is open to both US and Canadian residents and you may enter the contest with a comment even if you don’t have your own blog.

Or if you want to purchase your own bags, click here or click on the lovely “Organizing Bags” button in my sidebar and you will be taken to a site where you can get your very own.

Happy Organizing!