The Peace After A Storm

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These last two weeks have been more than emotionally draining. In fact, they have been some of the toughest and bleakest moments I have endured in a long, long time. For a time I felt so incredibly alone and helpless that I wasn’t sure how we were going to make it. I had enough faith to know we would make it, but I just couldn’t fathom how.

But with the help and strength of the Lord we survived and now they are behind us. That is what matters. I know life still has many roadblocks and detours for us still to endure, but the fact that we made it through this particular refiners fire gives me the hope, faith and courage I need to weather the next one.

The afternoon of Saint Patrick’s Day started off like any other day, but things slowly went from annoying and bothersome to down right chaotic and hard to deal with. It all started when I was late getting out the door to pick Keri up from school because Cory was throwing a huge tantrum. However, once I managed to get to our van with a kicking and screaming three year old, I realized that our car battery was completely dead. Luckily my manager was home and able to help so I could finally get to the school to pick Keri up. Unfortunately she had also had a rotten day. Friend and classroom issues for a six year old first grader can be pretty traumatizing.

But to top all that off, my husband, who has already been struggling with dissertation woes, soon informed me that his PhD adviser had just let him know that within two weeks he wasn’t going to be able to fund us anymore. That meant that we had 11 days to find a new adviser, during Finals Week and Spring Break no less, or else we would lose our monthly stipend, our tuition payments and our health insurance. What a huge financial blow with no time to prepare, especially with the economy already in shambles.

I simply lost it and broke down in tears. That is when I wrote the post on how I wished so badly I could just temporarily check myself out of life. Pregnancy hormones and seemingly horrible life circumstances can be a challenging combination.

Somehow, though, over the next two weeks I manged to get through the motions of life while trying not to let worry and fear completely overwhelm me. The tears always seemed ready to fall. Thank goodness for concerned friends who sent emails, who hung out with me and listened to me vent and who brought us unexpected meals. Thank goodness for the support and love offered from family, even though they are hundreds and hundreds of miles away.

Door after door seemed to get shut on us as we desperately tried to find a new adviser who had funding to offer. And at the last possible moment, literally on the afternoon of the day of our deadline, a plan with Rudy’s old adviser presented itself.

So for at least one more quarter we have the funding we need.

And I have relearned, yet again, that the Lord will provide. He will always provide and open a window around you to let the light in, even when you think it will virtually be impossible.

I have now beaten another storm, another storm that was so fierce I thought it might consume me and swallow me. Yet it didn’t. It let up and soon the peace flowed in.

I feel overly grateful and humbled to have the Lord on my side, walking hand in hand with me, as I endure this journey called life.

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