The Irony Of Mother’s Day

Mother’s Day is only a few short days away and for once in my life I have no desire to celebrate it. In fact, I am kind of dreading it. It’s not because my husband or kids don’t make this a special day for me [in fact my sweet daughter has been writing me Mother's Day notes for the last two weeks now], it is more because lately I feel like I have been the world’s meanest and most irrational mom.  I am sure many of you can relate.

Currently my patience is non-existent, especially with three year old toddlers who refuse to listen and who wake up before 6 in the morning … even with blankets hung on the window and all night lights and clocks that glow completely removed from the room. When this baby arrives I worry more about Cory waking the newest one up as opposed to the other way around?!?

Right now it seems like I get frustrated at the silliest things and that I get on my kids cases for the smallest infractions. And because of this, I then become the yelly mom who feels guilty for being so short tempered.

I am tired of living in a small apartment where I feel like I am constantly on edge wondering if my kids who are just being kids by being somewhat loud and crazy are making too much noise for the cranky, cantankerous, complaining lady who lives below us.

I get tired of having to constantly remind the kids to use quiet feet and then I get so fed up of all the reminding … not to mention I also get lazy from all the reminding that goes in one ear and out the other … that I resort to the television. But then I get irritated because I feel like the TV is always on.

And no matter how many trips to the park and school playground we make, the energy my kids have is endless. I wish they could channel some of it to me.

OK.

Enough complaining.

I know deep down I am grateful for motherhood. I consciously and prayerfully made the decision to enter into this noble calling in life.

I feel extremely blessed to even have children that drive me insane. After all it has taken a lot of effort to get them here. And I know my life is so much easier than many others [at least I have food to eat, even if it does cost a lot, and at least a cyclone didn't tear apart the city I live in], but these raging pregnancy hormones and lack of spring sunshine are enough to drive any woman bonkers.

And to satisfy the minds of all those who keep emailing me wondering what I look like 7 months pregnant? Here you go.

Enjoy the spots on my dirty mirror .

Organizing Bag Giveaway!

Lara The Lazy Organizer is at it again. She is hosting yet another fabulous organizing bag giveaway!

Organize your receipts.

Organize your first aid kit.

Not exactly sure what an organizing bag is? Then let me briefly explain how you can better organize your life.

Lara personally designed these bags to help her keep her life organized. They come in 5 convenient sizes, including extra small and extra large, and they are very reasonably priced. These bags are ideal because they take up less space than boxes and bins and you can even hang them on hooks to utilize wall space.

What can you put in these bags? The possibilities are simply endless.

• Organize your computer cords and cables.
• Organize your make-up.
• Organize your arts and crafts.
• Organize your pens, pencils and other office supplies.
• Organize an emergency child kit for your car - change of clothes, Advil, snacks, little toys and wipes.
• Organize your toiletries on a trip.
• Organize the odds and ends in your junk drawer.
• Organize items you buy in bulk (toothbrushes, t*mpons, gum, medicine, batteries, etc.)
• Organize homeschooling items such as play money and flash cards.
• Organize your games and kids puzzles.
• Organize your change.
• Organize your scrapbooking supplies.
• Organize your knitting.
• Organize your thank you cards.
• Let your kids organize the toys they take in the car.

Have you caught the organizing bug yet? Hopefully you have.

So how can you win your own set of free organizing bags? Merely click on over to The Lazy Organizer’s blog and leave a comment per her fun “baby” instructions on her organizing bag giveaway post.

Lara will choose a winner on Friday, as long as she is not in the hospital giving birth. This contest is open to both US and Canadian residents and you may enter the contest with a comment even if you don’t have your own blog.

Or if you want to purchase your own bags, click here or click on the lovely “Organizing Bags” button in my sidebar and you will be taken to a site where you can get your very own.

Happy Organizing!

Some Sunshine In My Life

Here’s to hoping that my current bout of sleep deprivation is at an end … at least until July 17th. For the last three nights Cory has finally learned to go to sleep in his big boy bed rather peacefully and quickly. The catch? We had to take away his afternoon naps. What a sad day for mom!

However, we have now instituted afternoon quiet time in our house. That means Cory has to play in his room, by himself, with the door shut (there is a door knob guard conveniently placed on the inside of his door so he can’t escape and interrupt my quiet time) for a couple of hours. He still fights me a little on this one (read: he will occasionally toss toys against the closed door and exclaim, “No quiet time. No want quiet time!” - I just choose to ignore him) but for the most part he complies. I honestly don’t know what I would do without this time to regroup every day. I also think it is good for him to have some independent play time.

So I want to say thanks to all my friends out there who gave me advice and offered me much needed empathy as we went through the dreaded process of transferring Cory from his crib to his bed. You definitely lent me strength to successfully make it through the process!

I also wanted to say thanks to my good friend Becky for sending me this incredible purse she made just for me … isn’t it a beauty?! She is definitely one talented woman and I miss the fact that she doesn’t live close by anymore.

And I must thank my mom, too, for sending me this gorgeous ladybug blanket set (blanket, silkie, burp rag and onsesie) that she crafted. No it is not a present for the upcoming baby, she sent it just for me because yellow is my favorite color and one of my favorite classes in college was Entomology (Bug Collecting).

What has brought some sunshine into your life lately?

Woes of a Tired Mom

Last Saturday evening we finally bit the bullet and transfered Cory to his big boy bottom bunk bed.

The verdict? He is absolutely thrilled by his new personal space.

The problem? He more than glories in the new found freedom this bed provides.

The parents? We are just a tad bit frustrated, but we knew from the beginning this would be a long and tedious process.

Sleep deprivation when you are nearly 7 months pregnant is not a fun thing to endure. Your body is already utterly exhausted to begin with. The last few nights where I have only received three or so hours of sleep has been rough. During the day I feel like I am walking through a thick fog, and while driving around town I feel like I could just close my eyes and sleep at the wheel. Yeah, I know, not very safe. I knew to expect to be sleep deprived once the newborn arrived, but I wasn’t very prepared to hit this particular bump in the road a few months early.

I also know the problem is made worse because I feel out of balance in life. Late afternoons and early evenings tend to be my worst part of the day with the kids, the “witching hours” as I have dubbed them. Needless to say I always look forward to bedtime as it usually brings some much needed peace and quiet. However, this last week my evenings have been spent in the dark on the floor of the kids room as we try to sleep train our spirited 3 year old.

Each night is getting a little better … I use that term very loosely … but it is hard not to be able to unwind in the evening and to have my personal time. Having daily personal time I think is absolutely essential to the sanity of any mother.

I know that this, too, shall eventually pass and I know sometimes I can be hormonally irrational, but that doesn’t mean that this particular trial in life is going to be made any easier. I still need to get through it. I just keep praying to the Lord for the strength I need to survive each day so I can try to be a loving mother and wife.

And of course this situation has made me a little bit more apprehensive about what life is going to be like once this new one arrives in July. The transition from one to two children was doable for me because Keri has such an easy going disposition.

However, with Cory being so much more rambunctious and energetic, I am not quite sure what to expect in the transition from two to three. I welcome any advice you would like to kindly share!

A Perfect Swipe By Cookie Monster

Thanks to my sister-in-law who always captures fabulous photos!

An Energy Burst and Learning to Not Shrink

Recently I was bit by the spring cleaning/pregnancy nesting bug. I thought it would never happen. I am sure the bit of sunshine that briefly made its presence known in the western regions of Washington helped a ton.

Since I didn’t know how long this fleeting moment of pseudo energy might last, I knew I better take full advantage of it. Thankfully it stuck around for a few days so I could get lots of purging done in our apartment as we attempt to make room for our soon to be third little one. There were many loads of things donated to charity. I was greatly relieved to get these massive tasks done because they have been looming over my head for the past several months.

Next on the to-do list?

I need to transition Cory from the crib to the bottom bunk bed. I must admit I am not looking forward to the freedom this will give him. I LOVE having him contained at night and in the morning. Yes, I know I am more than extremely lucky that he lasted this long without wanting to climb out of his nightly prison.

And on a completely different topic, I recently attended a Women’s Conference where this quote was given. I have heard these powerful words of wisdom on other occasions, but for whatever reason, this time they just seemed to pierce my soul differently.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” ~ Marianne Williamson

So stand tall, stop doubting yourself and your talents and skills. Let your light shine and give others the “permission to do the same.” Just think of all we could accomplish if we would stop judging ourselves and others.

Motherhood - “No One Perfect Way”

“There is no one perfect way to be a good mother. Each situation is unique. Each has different challenges, different abilities, different skills and certainly different children. The choice is different and unique for each mother in each family.” ~ M. Russell Ballard (LDS General Conference, April 6, 2008, PM Session)

This statement truly hit home for me. How often do we compare ourselves and our children to the other mothers and kids around us in our neighborhood, or at work, or at Church, or in our friendships and families or even in the blogosphere? I know I inadvertently do it more than I should.

But this quote spoke to my heart. It reassured me and brought me peace that I personally know, along with my husband and the help of the Lord, what is best for me and my precious little ones.

We all need to learn to better trust our own mother’s intuition, not what is said around us. Sure it can be helpful to glean as much information as we can from other sources, but don’t forget to tailor it to your own individual family.

“There is no role in life more essential and more eternal than that of motherhood.” ~ M. Russell Ballard

Like Father, Like Daughter

While helping Keri with an at-home school art project, I reminded her not to forget to do something. A few minutes later, she realized on her own that she still hadn’t done what I had already reminded her to do.

She then promptly and matter-of-factly exclaimed, “Oops. I’m just like Daddy. I forgot to do something.”

I laughed pretty hard, especially when I retold the story to Rudy later.

Apparently mommy’s never forget anything .

The Peace After A Storm

These last two weeks have been more than emotionally draining. In fact, they have been some of the toughest and bleakest moments I have endured in a long, long time. For a time I felt so incredibly alone and helpless that I wasn’t sure how we were going to make it. I had enough faith to know we would make it, but I just couldn’t fathom how.

But with the help and strength of the Lord we survived and now they are behind us. That is what matters. I know life still has many roadblocks and detours for us still to endure, but the fact that we made it through this particular refiners fire gives me the hope, faith and courage I need to weather the next one.

The afternoon of Saint Patrick’s Day started off like any other day, but things slowly went from annoying and bothersome to down right chaotic and hard to deal with. It all started when I was late getting out the door to pick Keri up from school because Cory was throwing a huge tantrum. However, once I managed to get to our van with a kicking and screaming three year old, I realized that our car battery was completely dead. Luckily my manager was home and able to help so I could finally get to the school to pick Keri up. Unfortunately she had also had a rotten day. Friend and classroom issues for a six year old first grader can be pretty traumatizing.

But to top all that off, my husband, who has already been struggling with dissertation woes, soon informed me that his PhD adviser had just let him know that within two weeks he wasn’t going to be able to fund us anymore. That meant that we had 11 days to find a new adviser, during Finals Week and Spring Break no less, or else we would lose our monthly stipend, our tuition payments and our health insurance. What a huge financial blow with no time to prepare, especially with the economy already in shambles.

I simply lost it and broke down in tears. That is when I wrote the post on how I wished so badly I could just temporarily check myself out of life. Pregnancy hormones and seemingly horrible life circumstances can be a challenging combination.

Somehow, though, over the next two weeks I manged to get through the motions of life while trying not to let worry and fear completely overwhelm me. The tears always seemed ready to fall. Thank goodness for concerned friends who sent emails, who hung out with me and listened to me vent and who brought us unexpected meals. Thank goodness for the support and love offered from family, even though they are hundreds and hundreds of miles away.

Door after door seemed to get shut on us as we desperately tried to find a new adviser who had funding to offer. And at the last possible moment, literally on the afternoon of the day of our deadline, a plan with Rudy’s old adviser presented itself.

So for at least one more quarter we have the funding we need.

And I have relearned, yet again, that the Lord will provide. He will always provide and open a window around you to let the light in, even when you think it will virtually be impossible.

I have now beaten another storm, another storm that was so fierce I thought it might consume me and swallow me. Yet it didn’t. It let up and soon the peace flowed in.

I feel overly grateful and humbled to have the Lord on my side, walking hand in hand with me, as I endure this journey called life.

My Drive Home From School Drop Off

Filling up the van with gas: PAINFUL

Indulging in a freshly made cup of hot cocoa: DELIGHTFUL

Driving while my son points out all the Cherry Blossom Trees: PRICELESS

Happy Easter!

I hope we are all able to find some quiet time today to reflect on the magnificent event we celebrate this Sabbath. It is truly a wondrous gift.

Checking Out

Sometimes I wish life came with the option of checking yourself out. Wouldn’t it be nice to just be able to pull yourself out of circulation for awhile and sit on an unused or perhaps even hidden shelf while you let all the dust that is in upheavals around you settle?

That’s where I am right now, and it’s a rough spot to be in. You feel helpless, especially when you are watching those around you, whom you deeply love, struggle to figure out up from down, left from right. You sob and break down in tears often … it probably doesn’t help that you are overly hormonal … but you are to the point where you are numb and past feeling. You don’t even know what you are supposed to feel anymore. You don’t even quite know which direction to even pursue in life because it seems like you have been on never ending detours. No longer are you sure which path is even the correct one to take.

But you know you need to be still and somehow hold on to just an ounce of hope. You hear hope leads to faith so you need to hope that the light will eventually come. That somehow, some obscure and previously unforeseen path will finally be lit, even if it is just lit dimly.

And while you attempt to calmly and strongly wait for that beacon and ray of light, and while you attempt to be a strength to those around you, you struggle to hold on … to move on … to keep your chin up and pointing towards God. He does know what is best for you and for your entire family, but that doesn’t mean the road getting to that point is going to be easy. It is going to be thorny. It is going to be refining. It is definitely going to build character.

And at times you will wonder why you keep putting one foot in front of the other. But that is when the Lord’s grace and tender mercies will come upon you, but you need to be the one to accept them and to hold on to them for all you are worth.

I am trying … I am really trying.

Image by Greg Olsen, “Be Not Afraid”